Monday, September 5, 2011

Decisions--First Campaign Challenge

~~The first Platform Challenge is here! And it's a challenge and a half. The instrustions are:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!
 Check out Rach Writes for links to other Campaigners' stories.

~~Here's my challenge story--Decisions--and it's EXACTLY 200 words. ; )


Decisions

            The door swung open.
            Lights. Sirens. Screams.
            “Oh My God!”
            “Is he dead?”
            “He just slammed into that tree!”
            A man’s face forced him to focus. “Buddy, we’ll get you out. Hang on.”
            Whump. Whump. Whump.
            “LifeFlight’s here.”
            “Good. Okay, buddy, we’ll get you out of here. Hang on.”
            Then everything faded out.
#
            “Paul. Paul. Do you hear me?”
            Beep, beep, beep.
            Pressure squeezed his arm and then released with a whoosh.
            His mouth was dry, clotted. “Uh?”
            A tall woman in green scrubs leaned over him and smiled. “Hi, Paul. Good to see you awake. It’s going to take a while, but you’ll get better. You’ll see.”
#
            Weeks. It took weeks, but he finally pieced it together. He’d been drinking, but he wasn’t more than buzzed when Harm had texted him about the card game. Yes. A card game. In a flash, he’d decided to go. Then hit a tree.
            Now it was all over. He’d hit a plateau in his healing, and he’d be stuck with that decision for the rest of his life. Traumatic Brain Injury.
            Any decision he’d make in the future got up and walked out of the door.
            The door swung shut.
P.S. I'm linky 118 at Rach Writes
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31 comments:

  1. Francesca ZappiaSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:04 PM

    I love how sparse and calm this is, but there's so much action in it. And I love the way you ended it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alleged AuthorSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    You really packed quite a bit of story into a few hundred words! Good job. :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownSeptember 6, 2011 at 1:49 AM

    You told the story well. I love the description of the helicopter. Awesome job!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Zan MarieSeptember 6, 2011 at 8:11 AM

    Thanks, Francesca, Alleged Author, and KS. I'm working with this character in a longer story and this challenge let me explore the wreck from his POV.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nadja NotarianiSeptember 6, 2011 at 5:50 PM

    Consequences...facts of life, and having quite an impact in only 200 words. ~ Nadja

    ReplyDelete
  6. yikiciSeptember 6, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Nice -lots going on in so few words; splendid! -oh I just popped by as a campaigner to say 'hi' :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Zan MarieSeptember 6, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Hi, Yikici,Thanks. I'm trying to get around to see some of these, but there's *so* many! ; )

    ReplyDelete
  8. Roland D. YeomansSeptember 6, 2011 at 8:19 PM

    What a stark, intense entry. Great job done in a calm, no-nonsense fashion, Roland

    ReplyDelete
  9. bridgetSeptember 6, 2011 at 9:30 PM

    Very good. That's powerful or at least it should be. well done. Mine is #72

    ReplyDelete
  10. The WriterSeptember 6, 2011 at 10:25 PM

    How poignant! I really liked it!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Zan MarieSeptember 7, 2011 at 8:45 AM

    Thanks, Roland, Bridget, and Holly. I'm trying to get around to everyone, but there's so many! ; )

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pam WilliamsSeptember 7, 2011 at 10:07 AM

    Action packed 200 words, Zan! You slammed the reader right into the moment! Great work!
    Pam

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kristina FugateSeptember 7, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    This is incredible! You managed to put so much into 200 words!

    Very intense and written in a fashion that left me with a haunting sense of finality. This is what Paul did, and now he has to live with the consequences for the rest of his life.

    Really amazing work here :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Zan MarieSeptember 7, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    Thanks, Kristina. The neat thing is that this challenge fits into a story I'm already writing. How's that for perfect timing? ; )

    ReplyDelete
  15. SylviaSeptember 7, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    This is a great piece of work. It's intense and although the story is there, it's as if in flashback, but very powerful visual imagery.

    I enjoyed the structure of this very much. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Zan MarieSeptember 7, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    Thanks, Allie!

    ReplyDelete
  17. 1000th.monkeySeptember 8, 2011 at 5:01 PM

    ...one with a memorably lesson...

    I really liked the line, 'His mouth was dry, clotted." I could picture it exactly :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Zan MarieSeptember 8, 2011 at 6:20 PM

    Thanks, Monkey! It was a challenge, wasn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Avery MarshSeptember 8, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    I love the premise and how you wrote it. It's appropriately intense and haunting for such a serious issue. Great job.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Zan MarieSeptember 9, 2011 at 8:11 AM

    Thanks, Avery. All these wonderful comments are giving me a big head. ; )

    ReplyDelete
  21. Deniz BevanSeptember 9, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    Very powerful, Zan Marie. I already feel for this guy and I've only seen bits and pieces of his life.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Zan MarieSeptember 9, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Thanks, Deniz! He's a mess, but I promise redemption is coming. ; )

    ReplyDelete
  23. Ms Saba (aka Teacher007.5)September 11, 2011 at 2:00 AM

    Hi Zan! I've mentioned you on my blog and passed on the Versatile Blogger Award. You can find the info here: http://bit.ly/olQktt

    ReplyDelete
  24. Zan MarieSeptember 11, 2011 at 7:01 AM

    Thanks, Ms Saba! That's wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Nadja NotarianiSeptember 11, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    Hi Zan Marie!
    I wanted to let you know that I put up a link to your blog page in my post today! Platform-Building in action...ha! I featured pages from my Contemporary Fiction group! Take Care ~ Nadja

    ReplyDelete
  26. Katie GatesSeptember 11, 2011 at 3:41 PM

    Wow, powerful story. Good job with the Challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Zan MarieSeptember 11, 2011 at 4:49 PM

    Nadja,
    Thanks for the link! I'm behind, I know I am. ; )

    Katie,
    Thanks. ; )

    ReplyDelete
  28. Doreen McGettiganSeptember 15, 2011 at 10:23 PM

    Wow; that was a lot of feeling in 200 words. So personal for me as well...I have been working my way back from a brain injury for 2 years...getting there!

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

    ReplyDelete
  29. Zan MarieSeptember 17, 2011 at 9:18 AM

    Wow! Thanks, Doreen. I have a friend who has survived TBI. I edited the manuscript of her memoir. It's amazing what the doctors and therapists can do. I'll add you to my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Arlee BirdSeptember 19, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    A story with an important message. Well done.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
  31. Zan MarieSeptember 19, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    Thanks, Arlee!

    ReplyDelete

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